


Too good at goodbyes

by Rowena4queen



Series: We'll make it up as we go [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Alpha Bobby Singer, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Angst, Beta Gabriel (Supernatural), Coping, Gen, I'm Sorry, Implied Castiel/Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mpreg mentioned, Omega Sam Winchester, Pack Dynamics, References to Depression, Sam-Centric, no sabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-03-30 23:50:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13962741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowena4queen/pseuds/Rowena4queen
Summary: Sam has lost them all. His mother, his brother, his father.This- this is him starting over.





	Too good at goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second part of a series. Please read the first part, since I'm not sure how much sense this makes without it :)  
> (also, it's way less depressing if you've read the first part) 
> 
> On that note- this is not the happy part of this verse. Please read the tags.
> 
>  
> 
> (ALSO sorry for the crappy formatting, I'm still trying to fix that)

Too good at goodbyes.

If there was a phrase Sam could relate to, it was that one. Sure, he could blame his circumstances, his environment, whatever. But in the end, it was a fact. Sam was too good at goodbyes.

He had said goodbye to his mother at her grave, and merely having reached the age to be called a child, had accepted the looming threat of death that hung over all of them. They were all doomed in the end either way, weren't they. 

Sam hadn't said goodbye to his brother, at least not in person. One morning, Dean was just... gone. In the nights, Sam had prayed to whatever deity he could imagine, prayed for his brother's sake, prayed selfishly that Dean hadn't just abandoned him, even though he knew that this was the better alternative. During the day though, Sam accepted that Dean was gone. Or at least he pretended to do so. 

To his father, Sam hadn't said goodbye at all. Not that he had wanted to. John Winchester had deserved a lot worse than to die on impact because of an accident he was to blame for- he, and Jack Daniel's. To Sam, it was okay that John couldn't bother the innocent anymore.

Sam had organised a fire for the pack's former Alpha, and before the last glow had vanished, he had planned for his pack to move. Legally, he was the Alpha now, at least until he presented as anything else than alpha or was challenged by another pack member.

Fourteen years old and responsible for those few dozen people who hadn't left under John's regime. Sam decided to try and do good for them.

They arrived at the Singer/Harvelle pack a few days later. The SInger/Harvelle/Winchester pack, now.

And knowing that his people were looked after, Sam finally let go.

He said goodbye to his old life and started a new one. 

***

"Have you ever heard anything from Dean?"

Robert Singer looked up from the book that laid on the desk of his office. The fire behind him cracked lively, but the boy in front of him didn't move. Sam Winchester looked like nothing but a shadow of himself.

"Son-"

"I'm not your son."

Bobby sighed, the frown behind his beard making him look decades older.

"Of course you're my son. Just like Dean. Just like Jo is my daughter."

"There is no blood shared between us", Sam shook his head, finally coming the last steps into Bobby's office.

"So blood is what determines who's family?"

The question made Sam hesitate, frown, unconvinced. He looked so small. Fragile in his beliefs.

Bobby often forgot that. Forgot that Sam was just a child, not even a teenager. The boy hadn't even presented his secondary gender, yet he had the whole world on his shoulders.

He'd have to talk to Ellen; ask her how they could get Sam out of the shell he kept hiding him.

"I once read that blood is thicker than water", Bobby's thoughts were interrupted by Sam, who was peeking up at his surrogate warden from under his hair. "But in my experience, Jack Daniel's is even thicker."

"That's because you've had a shitty experience so far. And no", Bobby kept going as opened his mouth to protest, "don't even try to protect John. We both know you wouldn't mean it."

"I wasn't going to protect John. I wanted to defend Dean."

Nodding in contemplation, Bobby leaned back in his chair, his eyes trailed on Sam.  

"You miss him."  

A nod.  

"So do I. But son- Sam-", Bobby hesitated. "Even if you would find him, and that's a huge if, do you really think you could get him to just let go? And what if Dean has a family of his own by now, what if he has pups? Do you want him to abandon them?"

Sam's face visibly fell, but Bobby kept going.

"Dean might have actually found some happiness here he is now. We are not the ones to take that from him. He deserves better."

"Do you really believe that? That he might be happy?"

No. No, Bobby didn't believe it.

Sam might not have known about the rumours of John selling his own son, but if they were true-

No Dean Winchester could ever find happiness in a pack that believes in buying omegas.

But this conversation wasn't about the truth. It wasn't about what might have happened, what might have been done.

It was about what will be done. About Sam's future.

"I don't know, Sam", Bobby finally relented. "But I know your brother. He's stronger than you seem to think. I trust in that."

Silence followed, then Sam nodded.  

"Okay."  

"You won't do anything stupid like look for him, will you?"  

The guilty look on Sam's face told him what he needed to know.  

  

"Oh. And here I was, thinking that you had more respect for Dean."  

It showed the desired reaction.   

Yes, it was a cheap card to play, Bobby was fully aware of that, but it was also the only way he could get Sam to listen. Get him to comprehend. 

"Excuse me?!", Sam scoffed, with all the potential anger that puberty had granted him. "How is helping Dean disrespectful to him?!"

"You really think that that's what Dean would have wanted? That you throw your life away for some maybes and ifs?", Bobby shook his head. "Is that really how you remember Dean? Wake up, idjit."

"I won't live  _happily ever after_  or whatever with the knowledge that my brother might be- that he-"

"Yes, you will. Because that is what Dean would have wanted."

Sam just huffed angrily.

"Sam, I'm not telling you not to mourn. You lost your brother and you deserve the chance to deal with that. But I am telling you not to make the same mistake that John made. Do you think Mary would have wanted him to become a neglecting drunk? To become the kind of person to accept the separation of her sons, as John did? To become an Alpha that treated omegas differently just because of their representation? Of course not!"

"I'm nothing like John!"

"No, you aren't. Not now, at least", Bobby sighed. "Dean had plans for you, y'know? He always talked about how clever you were, how you were going places one day, how you'd make it out of here. He didn't stay in your pack for your father, but for you! He wanted to make sure you see the chances you were granted. He wanted to make sure that you had it better, son. Better than he did, at least."

Big, hazel eyes stared back at him. Watery eyes.

Bobby smiled softly. Finally, he had reached Sam. Dean would be proud. Proud of whom, Bobby didn't know.

He got up, groaning when his bones cracked in protest, and crossed the room to embrace the boy in his arms.

Sobs echoed from his chest as Sam hugged him back.

"You'll be alright, Sam."

"For Dean."

Bobby nodded.

"For Dean."

***

It would be months until Bobby found the papers, hidden in a secret department of the Impala, as he worked on restoring what was left from the car.

They were brown, not the bleached kind of paper that is the standard nowadays. Rather old fashioned and neglected, crinkled and with spots and stains of all kind.

And they were signed.

Two names, scrawled under a treaty over the ownership of a young virgin omega.   

John Winchester.  

Michael Novak.  

  

Some part of Bobby's world would collide that day.  

He would realise that Dean had been Michael Novak's omega, or rather, one of Michael Novak's omegas.

He would realise that Dean was to be considered dead, killed along with assholes who had bought him from his father.

He would realise that Dean would have had to be unhappy even before he was slaughtered by human hunters like some rogue dog.

And Bobby would grab the crowbar to show everything within his reach how he felt about that.

He would have loved nothing more than to destroy the Impala and all the memories it woke, to burn with his memories of John Winchester.

He didn't.

Because Dean wouldn't have wanted him to.

***

"You've reached the trickster, what can I do for you?"  

"Novak."  

"Bobster, what a joy to-"  

"Not today, Gabriel. Please."  

Silence. Then: "What happened?"  

Damn, he must have sounded all kinds of bad if he got Gabriel Novak to be serious. Come to think about it, he did feel all kinds of bad. His mind just- it didn't shut up.  

"I need to know whether you've had contact to your family recently."  

"Cassie?", Gabriel sounded confused. "Of course, though I still have to meet his omega and their-"  

"Not Castiel. Michael. Have you talked to Michael before he died?", Bobby interrupted, fatigue washing over him. He needed to get this done.  

"Michael wasn't part of my family."  

"Yeah, and I'm not Sam's father."  

"What? Who's Sam?"  

"Never mind, Gabriel. Just please, answer my question."  

Gabriel sighed. "I haven't talked to Michael in over five years. Does that help you?"  

"No."  

"Hm. I'm sorry?"  

"And Castiel? Were they in contact?"  

"Not that I know of."  

"Fuck."  

"What's going on Bobby?"  

He hesitated.  

"Don't go around telling people this, Gabriel."  

"Okay?"  

"Do you remember the story about John Winchester's oldest son? The omega who disappeared, a year before John bit the dust?"  

"Yeah? The... the rumour was that his own father sold him, wasn't it?"  

"Yes", Bobby swallowed painfully. "Gabriel, those rumours are true. John sold him. He sold his oldest son to Michael."  

"Fuck indeed. Do you have any traces on him?"  

"That's why I called", Bobby sighted. "It's not like I have actual hope that the boy is still... I just want to know. I want someone to tell me that he had been okay. That he didn't suffer."  

Silence. Then:

"I'm sorry, Bobby."  

"Yeah. Me too."  

"Tell you what. I'm gonna ask around a bit, call in some old favours. And if I find anything, I'll call you."

"Thank you."

"Not a problem. It gives me a reason to visit Cassie either way, so. No worries."

Bobby smiled softly at that. At least someone had found their luck in these crazy times. "So, Castiel has gotten himself an omega, huh?"

"Yup, but the verdict is still out on that one."

"Good luck, idjit. If your brother has decided that that omega is it for him, there's no way you can go between them."

"Oh, we'll see."

Gabriel hesitated. Then, his voice serious again: "Bobby, are you going to tell Ellen about Winchester's son?"

"I have to. Why are you asking?"  

"I need to know that you deal with this, too."  

"Don't strain yourself, princess."  

"I'm serious. You're the backbone of your pack, and as much as you need Ellen, she also needs you. And all of us, your pack and your pack's friends, we need you both."  

"Don't break you pretty head over me, I'm fine."  

"Bobby-"  

"I'm fine", he snapped.  

"Okay, I... I get you. No more chick flick moments."  

For a moment, a quick second, Bobby could have sworn that he had heard Dean. That he had-  

"I'll hear from you, Gabriel."  

"Take care, Bobster."  

  

***  

  

Sam presented on his fifteenth birthday as an omega.   

It was a surprise to them, considering that the boy had always shown a lot of protective and possessive qualities, but never really got along with the pack's pups. Then again, it made Bobby wonder how true their view on the secondary genders really was. How much of Sam's act might have been a consequence of John's influence.

While Sam waited out his heat at a pack member's house, under the supervision of Missouri who helped him and made sure that he was safe, Bobby and Ellen made plans.

Even as the Alphas of a progressive pack, where nothing was allowed to happen without consent, they knew better than to think that it would stay that way. Soon, there would be offers for Sam. And the longer they stalled his suitors, the more impatient they'd become.

One weak moment at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and the boy could bury his plans for the future.

None of the Alphas wanted him to end up barefoot and pregnant in some conservative alpha's house.

Dean wouldn't have wanted that either, Bobby thought.

It was bitter sweet that they asked Sam's cousin in law, who he had never met or even heard of, for help. Not that they planned to changed that. Sam didn't have to know about Dean's fate. Not for now, at least.

Gabriel was a beta, and immune to any smells, not to mention that he liked women. He had an apartment in the city, close to a good school, with a lot of opportunities for Sam. And most of all, he had Ellen's and Bobby's trust.   

Less than a week later, Sam said goodbye yet again as he left his surrogate family to live with a stranger he was yet to get to know

***

It only took Sam a few days to realise that this was a good change.  

He liked Gabriel. Mostly, because the beta reminded him of Dean. Gabriel was way older than Sam, but way more immature. He didn't hold back on the curses, loved baking and- and he was nice. Was able to comfort Sam. Was able to make him feel... not so lonely anymore.  

Sam also liked San Francisco.   

The human culture, their ideology, even the way they walked, it was so different. Good different.  

Sam was respected by his classmates, respected by his neighbours, respected by strangers on the street. Nobody here knew what he was, knew what an omega was at all, so they treated him the same as everyone else. He'd have to be careful not to forget his suppressants one he was old enough for regular heats, but otherwise he embraced his new life.

Gabriel even let him have his own room. It had been a library once, small and crammed with books and a huge desk. Instead of a couch, there was a bed under the window now and a wardrobe stood behind the door. It was Sam's own little territory, his own place.  

  

Surprisingly, Gabriel's and Sam's days fitted together really well.   

Every morning before Gabriel left for work- Sam yet had to figure out what it was that the beta did- he drove Sam to school. In the afternoon, they met again in the apartment, talked or watched movies. On the weekend, Gabriel had even convinced Sam to go bowling once. Like he was a normal teenager. Like he was okay.

It was painfully perfect.

Because, had things been different, this was how he had wanted to life with Dean. What he had imagined living with his big brother away from the pack would be like.

Once, he told Gabriel. Told him that he reminded him a lot of his brother. Told him that he didn't know how to feel about that.

The beta had mustered him for a few seconds before answering: "How about you just have two older brothers now?"

Still, Sam missed Dean, no question.

But that day, he had found himself a new family member. He had found himself some comfort.

***

"Yo Samsquatch", Gabriel poked his head into Sam's room.  

"Knocking, Gabriel. That's a thing. You don't know what I could be up to in here", Sam didn't even look up from the book he read, his back propped against the headboard of his bed.  

"Oh, as if. You're as innocent as they come. Heh."  

"Is there a reason why you bother me?"  

"Don't be such a prude", Gabe grinned. "There is always a reason, though. I'm going to meet my brother and that omega of his in Palo Alto, you wanna come with me?"

Finally, Sam looked up at Gabriel. "I don't..."  

"You don't have to worry about Castiel, he's a good alpha. And I haven't met his mate- I don't even know his name, to tell you the truth, there has just been so much going on recently- but if Cassie chose him, he can't be a bad one."  

"I'm not scared."  

"Hesitant, though."  

Sam sighed.  

"I like it here, Gabe. I like living as a human. I'm not sure that I can give that up just yet, and if it's only for a day. I don't want to put up the act of the tame wolf."  

"Huh. Okay", Gabriel nodded sincerely. "Just- Sam. This here is your home now. Nobody will force you to leave, you know that don't you?"  

"Knowing something and having trust in it, that's not the same", Sam looked back at his book. "And trust takes time."  

For a moment, Gabriel stayed in the doorway, considered what Sam had said.  

"You take your time, then", he said finally, smiling at the teenager. "I'll be back in the evening. Do you want me to get something for you while I'm out?"  

  

***  

  

Something was different that night, once Gabe had come back home.  

It was weird, but somehow their dynamic had shifted once again.  

Trust, Sam thought. That must have been it. He had trust in Gabe.  

  

That evening, Gabe smelled like home to Sam.   

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if that's not what you've hoped for!! Angst is just so much easier to write than fluff!  
> No worries though if you've been waiting for a reunion and are disappointed by this filler chapter- there will be a third part of this series- a happy part :) 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and- as always- comments are highly appreciated! <3


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